shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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