I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
