I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
