He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
