So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So much rum. So many feels.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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