why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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