he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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