also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
