I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
