You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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