i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think my moral compass just broke
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
