i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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