so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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