Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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