watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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