come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We left the knife in your bed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
