Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
