I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
