Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
