dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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