weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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