During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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