You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
