So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
