just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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