I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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