i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
