well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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