i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
