so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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