he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize