in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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