Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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