Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
