new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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