Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
