I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
