i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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