Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
