allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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