I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
this beer tastes like vomit already
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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