Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish my penis had an off switch
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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