McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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