see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
