guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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