Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
