I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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