Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
