you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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