Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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