I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
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A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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