Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.