Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
