You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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