His apartment number was 69. I had to.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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