Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
