Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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