I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
