You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
